280
by NuGirl
Summary: The average pregnancy lasts around 280 days. It turned out that this wasn't your average pregnancy. A twist on episode 4x04


**_So after stumbling across Chicago Fire early this year and binge watching all three seasons during the mid-season four break, I decided to dip my toes into this fandom and give some writing a go. What did we do before Twitter? I have met some lovely Fire fans and even better some Aussie Fire fans which is very exciting. And to the lovely and talented ItsWhatIWrite. Thank you for being so welcoming, letting me chat, bouncing ideas around with you, encouraging and editing for me. Without your words I don't know if I would have had enough courage to publish. So thank you so much R x_**

 ** _Some scenes from later season four episodes have been drawn from and reworked slightly to fit the story._**

 ** _Parts of the story happens as flashbacks, these are shown in italics_**

 ** _Enjoy my first Fire fic :)_**

* * *

Matt walked out of the bathroom after a long day on a construction job, knowing that he was in an empty house with Severide out at Molly's. Gabby had commented to him as he walked in the door earlier that she was going to have dinner with Antonio. It had been a hard, long week with his many alderman duties taking up a great chunk of any free time that he had off from his regular fire fighting job. This combined with a few construction jobs had meant he hadn't been home much at all and if he was honest, his relationship had suffered. Being an alderman had opened up many doors for him and he was enjoying it much more than he had initially thought he would, but the only times that he was seeing Gabby was during shift at the firehouse, and that really didn't cut it, or on the rare occasion that she was still awake and at his place when he arrived home late at night.

Glancing around the kitchen, he wondered what he was going to get himself to eat, much too tired to even drag himself out to Molly's for a drink. Going out to Molly's would require him to converse with people and that was all too hard at the moment. He wanted to grab a beer, sit himself down on the couch and watch a replay of the latest Blackhawks game that he had missed due to some meeting. Heading towards the coffee machine in the hope that Gabby had left him some, a flash of something metallic caught his eye. On closer inspection he found that Gabby had left her brown leather planner next to the fridge, she had obviously been transferring information from their main calendar to her personal planner or vice-versa. Matt gave a small smile to himself; organised was his Gabby.

He reached out a hand to close it, intent on putting it onto her bedside table when something stopped him. Gabby's planner was open to the current month of June with a specific date marked, a little sticker with the words 'due date' clearly marked on it. Matt felt a breath catch in his throat as he stared at the pastel cloud, his mind running so fast yet he was unable to comprehend any of those thoughts. Looking down at the monthly spread he found that tears have stained the paper and ink has run down the page. Something else had been written on that day, something that was now unreadable. Some of the stains had dried obviously having been there for a period of time, and others, on closer inspection by running his hands over the page finding it still damp, were very recent.

Collecting himself a beer, Matt gathered up the planner and took himself to the living room. Settling down on the couch, he traced the little sticker that held so many memories for him, memories that had been pushed to the back of his mind so many months ago. Every day he felt an ache for what he and Gabby had lost, yet they had both thrown themselves back into life, trying to move past it. Looking down at the date that was marked for the middle of June and tracing back to today's date, showing him that Gabby would have only had a week or so left if everything had gone to plan. A sob caught in his throat as he imagined what their life could have been; picturing what it would look like - Gabby with a full, round belly sorting through little clothes, organising everything that they would need; himself working on the nursery, little fire trucks adorning the walls and a stroller next to the door in fire truck red. But it wasn't meant to be and there was nothing he could do to change it.

Placing everything down on the coffee table in front of himself, he leant back on the couch thinking about those fateful nights, all the hurt and pain coming rushing back full force.

 _Matt looked back into the hospital room where Gabby lay, fast asleep. As much as he felt that he should stay again, Gabby had ordered him home and once she had fallen into a deep sleep he had carefully extracted himself from her grip. He had spent the last two nights on a chair, their hands tangled together, and whilst it wasn't the most comfortable night's sleep he had ever had, there was no way he would ever complain given the circumstances. He really didn't want to head home, but he also knew that his back wouldn't thank him if he spent another night in a cramped plastic hospital chair and sharing that tiny bed with Gabby wouldn't be a good thing for her either. So he resigned himself to heading home to an empty bed._

 _The house was in complete darkness when Matt arrived home, he wasn't sure where Kelly was but was grateful that he wasn't home. Matt didn't think that he could face having to talk about what had happened or another sympathetic look. Before long he was sitting on the edge of an empty bed. Never before had the bed felt so empty. Drawing in a shaky breath Matt slid down the bed, drawing Gabby's pillow close to him and taking in her lingering scent as the tears started to slide down his face. Matt couldn't believe how much his life had changed in the last seventy-two or so hours, just a short time ago he and Gabby were happily looking forward to their life together with a baby and in a blink of an eye it was all gone. Taking another breath Matt tried to compose himself and get some sleep._

 _But it was all to no avail, half an hour later Matt was up and pacing the kitchen trying to wear himself out. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Gabby's face after she had come out from the second surgery, her face crumbling before his eyes and her sobs invading his every thought. It tore him up that he wasn't able to help her more, that there was nothing that he could do or say to make this better for her. Shaking his head slightly he knew he had to be strong for Gabby._

 _Nothing that anyone could say would make this better. Matt never knew that he could have felt as much joy as he did when Gabby had told him she was pregnant. He had always wanted kids, there was very little else in life that Matt had ever wanted and the idea that Gabby was having his child had filled him with excitement and love. Walking into Molly's that night; Matt would have never believed that he would be finding out that he was going to be a father, rather he had walked in determined to get the love of his life back. He got that and so much more. And now, nothing… Nothing. Matt couldn't understand what had actually happened, or why it had happened._

 _Feeling the anger rising in him, he reached around behind himself, picking up an object and then hurled the cup into the kitchen sink watching it shatter into hundreds of pieces. As he stared at the tiny pieces for a few moments, a wave of guilt overcame him. He couldn't let himself sink into a depression over this, it wasn't right. He couldn't sink back into the same darkness he had slipped into after Hallie's death; it had been Gabby that had pulled him out of that. And this time he couldn't let her do that, Gabby had to be the focus of his life. By focusing on her and supporting her, Matt knew that they would get through this nightmare. That he would get through this nightmare._

Matt sighed again thinking back over these memories. Gabby and he had never really spoken about the whole situation, how it had made them feel and what it meant for them. Rather Gabby had shut him out, he knew that she had spoken to Chaplain Orlovsky and Herrmann had also given her advice and comfort. He would never forget the video message that Herrmann had sent Gabby telling them of the loss that he and Cindy had suffered, something that he had never discussed with him. Whilst at the time Matt wanted to deal with everything by himself and he knew that he never asked for help or ever wanted people to know his business, he was finally realising that he hadn't, they hadn't ever dealt with this loss and it was tearing a bigger hole in his heart every day.

And knowing that in less than a week he would have been a father and holding his baby in his strong arms made him hurt all that more. And it was at that moment he came to the realisation that he needed to deal with his loss and stop burying all of his thoughts and emotions.

* * *

Meanwhile Gabby was sitting down with Antonio for dinner.

"Who did you convince to cook dinner for you?" Gabby teased her brother.

Antonio raised a single eyebrow at his younger sister, an innocent look on her face.

"What?" she questioned, trying to keep her voice light. "You can't cook… Hell you can't even barbeque 'Tonio," she teased.

Antonio regarded her for a moment before breaking. "New Spanish place that just opened up near the district."

Gabby bit her lip as she tried to hold in a chuckle before turning back to her dinner. The siblings sat in a comfortable silence as they continued eating. Gabby couldn't fault it, it was very authentic, Antonio had chosen well.

"I'm impressed 'Tonio. Almost tastes as good as Mamá's," she complimented.

"It's nearly as good as yours too Gabs. Mamá taught you well," he praised in return.

This set something off inside Gabby. She was still feeling all the emotions of what had happened in the apartment earlier flowing around her and the reminder of her mother teaching her to cook traditional dishes brought it home again. She could just imagine teaching her daughter to cook with her parents, just as her Mamá and Abuela had taught her.

Antonio looked over at her concerned as he watched her face contort with pain. "Gabriela!"

Gabby looked up at the harshness of her brother's voice, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"It's nothing, just leave it," she replied her voice harsh and short.

"Whoa." Antonio held his hands up in self-defence. "Where did that come from? What is happening here Gabs? Everything okay with you and Casey?"

Gabby sighed and let her mind wander.

"Gabs," Antonio called out softly in an attempt to gain her attention.

"It's nothing Antonio."

"Like hell it's nothing Gabriela Dawson. I'm your older brother, I can see right through you when you lie."

Gabby paused slightly trying to stop the rising sobs. These emotions were like waves crashing over her every waking minute and there was nothing to control it.

Gabby placed her cutlery down and gripped the edge of the table.

"I shouldn't be feeling like this anymore," she whispered, almost to herself.

"Feeling like what?" Antonio questioned.

"Like nothing is ever going to be the same anymore. Every part of my life has changed and I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster that I'm powerless to stop."

"Gabs, where is this coming from?"

"The baby," she hiccupped

"Baby?" Antonio asked confused as hell.

"Our baby… she… he… would have… been… here...next week," she gasped between sobs.

Antonio moved over to sit next to her, grasping her hands into his, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I don't know how to function 'Tonio. I feel exhausted all the time, but I can't find a way to sleep, nightmares plague my sleepless nights. My life just doesn't seem important anymore, it's a boring everyday routine that seem meaningless. And I'm constantly finding it hard to concentrate when I'm not at work. I just don't know how to deal with any of this anymore."

"It's okay to feel these things Gabby," Antonio told her, brushing some stray hairs out of her face.

"I should be over this 'Tonio. It's been months and months. I just thought that I had dealt with this and moved on. But look at me, crying over a stupid date that I can't do anything about," she told him as she began to wipe the tears away.

"Hey, look at me," his brotherly voice coming through strongly causing Gabby to look up. "The date on which your baby was due was bound to bring up emotions for you. It's a perfectly natural reaction. What did Casey say about it when you told him?"

Gabby looked down ashamed and mumbled something.

"Hmmm?"

"I said," she began with a shaky voice. "I haven't spoken to him. I'm afraid of what he might say."

"What?" came Antonio's incredulously reply.

"I'm worried that he won't understand, that he'll blame me or that he won't be there. He's been so busy with all of this political work that I'm sure he doesn't even realise that the date is coming up. It's better this way, I don't think I could handle the disappointed look in his eyes."

"Hey, I know Casey, he's probably hurting just as much as you are. But you're both too stubborn to say anything to each other. Gabby this is not your fault, having a miscarriage is very common. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be this time, but that's not to say you aren't going to be an amazing parents. I know so, I've seen you with my own children."

"But 'Tonio, what if…"

"Gabby I know that I can never feel what you and Casey have gone through over the past nine months, but you're my little sister. And I know you better than anyone else on this planet. I can't imagine not having Eva and Diego in my life, they are my whole life. You and Casey did lose a baby and for the rest of your life that will be part of both of you, but Gabs, you also made a baby together and that's incredible. No matter what happened that little life was a symbol of the love you and Matt shared. Hold onto each other, cling tight hermanita," he comforted her as tears streamed down her cheeks, nothing she was able to do to stop them.

Antonio stood, walking the few steps between them and pulling her into a hug as she stayed motionless in her chair.

"Talk to him Gabby. Don't run!"

She gave him a half sob, half chuckle in response.

"I'm serious Gabby. Hold onto Casey, you belong together. Don't doubt yourself. I know that you're blaming yourself," he told her, kneeling down to her level. "Don't Gabriela, you can't run away this time. It's not your fault, you can't blame yourself. You can't blame anyone. Sometimes things happened for no apparent reason."

With those words Gabby dissolved into tears, her breath heaving. Antonio pulled his baby sister into his arms, settling them onto the hard floor whispering sweet nothings into her ear, allowing her to cry until there were no more tears. As her breathing began to even out, his thoughts turned towards Matt, where was he in all of this? Antonio's face hardened as he decided the next day he would be paying the young lieutenant a visit.

* * *

Matt was startled by the noise of keys jingling in the doorway. Looking up at the clock on the wall, it was much later than he had originally expected.

Gabby found her way into their small living space, only to have her breath taken away at the sight of a leather object sitting on the coffee table. How much had Matt seen? There was so much that she didn't want Matt to see.

"How was dinner? And Antonio?" Matt questioned, trying to ignore her bloodshot eyes.

Gabby looked at him slightly confused, she was sure that she hadn't left her planner on the coffee table and began to rummage through her bag in a vain attempt to see if it would magically appear in her bag rather than in front of Matt.

"Babe?" Matt's voice broke through the confusion. "How was dinner?" he asked again when he saw that he had regained her attention.

"Good…Hmmm…It was good," came the distracted reply.

Matt knew that it would do him no good to push her on what was on his mind. He thought back over the past months and racked his brain to think if he could even remember the amount of times that she had broken down, it had only been a few. There was of course the time at the hospital and possibly once or twice in the middle of the night when Gabby had thought he had been asleep, so he had simply held her closer allowing her to express the emotions causing her sadness, in the process his own heart shattering too. There was so much hurt but neither would share their feelings. But tonight, Matt promised, they would finally have an honest discussion; he just needed to tread carefully.

Matt reached a hand out to her, inviting her to sit down. Gabby shook her hand slightly. "I'm going to get into something more comfortable," she told him.

"And then you'll come back out?"

He felt her eyes look him up and down regarding the drawn figure in front of herself for a moment, pondering what it was he wanted to say to her. Reluctantly she nodded her head. Whilst she was gone Matt steeled his nerves, the few times that they had tried to talk about the miscarriage right after it had happened it had not ended well. They had both shut down and pretty much swept it under the carpet.

Before long Gabby appeared wearing a pair of sweats and an old CFD t-shirt of Matt's. There were few things in life that Matt liked more than Gabby in his clothes, something possessive deep inside turned on. Pulling her down to him on the couch, he kissed her hungrily. Gabby melted into him, feeling something different in this kiss, as if Matt was trying to convey something. She sighed as she pulled away from him, hoping against hope that he wasn't going to bring up the baby, she just couldn't handle it right now.

"Hi," he whispered as she settled into his arms, back against his chest.

"What's up? How was the meeting?" she cautiously asked.

"Just wanted to see what was happening," he told her as he placed a kiss on the crown of her head. "We've been so busy over the past few weeks, what with work, your shifts at Molly's and my alderman work, I just feel like we never get to talk anymore… So how was dinner? And Antonio?"

Gabby allowed herself to relax into Matt's arms as she began to tell Matt about how dinner went with Antonio, and everything that he had relayed about how Eva and Diego were going. She desperately missed her niece and nephew, not getting to see them anywhere near as much as she would have liked.

Settled by the sound of her voice, Matt allowed her words to wash over him, smiling at the anecdotes that he was hearing about the young Dawson children. Running his hands up and down her arms, he let his thumb brush over the side of her tummy accidently. He tensed slightly at the contact without Gabby noticing. As she continued to talk Matt remembered the mornings during the early days after they had found out he would catch her brushing her hand over her stomach unconsciously and he himself would take any opportunity to place his hand over her still flat tummy, imagining how it was going to change. Tentatively he snaked his hand across her belly laying it flat against Gabby's shirt. Breathing out a sigh of relief when Gabby didn't seem to notice, Matt began to rub his thumb against the material letting his mind wander. He wondered what it would have been like if life had taken a different turn, that right now his hand would be cradling her very swollen belly feeling the baby thumping against his hand. Without even realising it Matt's heart broke again for the umpteenth time that night and his hand slipped underneath her shirt to come into contact with her taut skin caressing it delicately.

A sharp gasp filled the room as Gabby stopped talking mid-sentence, a sense of fear washing over her. Instantly she was transported back to the morning when Matt would rub her stomach and whisper his thoughts about their new life together into her hair as they woke up. Since they had gotten back to their 'normal' lives Matt's hands had never wandered near her belly, every time he held her close his arms would encircle her waist but he hadn't touched her belly in the same way again, something she was eternally grateful for. On those hard nights she would leave her hands resting on the emptiness that engulfed her. Matt's touch brought back the pain that she was trying so hard to suppress. She would not break.

"Matt?" she questioned trying to keep her breathing even as she worked her way out of his arms to come to rest on the opposite end of the couch. She folded her arms in an attempt to protect herself.

The young lieutenant took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face trying to find the courage to say what was really on his mind.

"Gabby I found your planner on the kitchen counter when I got home tonight. Baby, why didn't you say something?" he asked only to be met with a blank stare. "Gabs, I just want to help. Our baby was due next week and I know that it is going to bring up so many emotions. I just want to be there for you."

"There's nothing to say Matt," she firmly told him.

"Baby, there's always something to say. I just feel like we've never dealt with our loss in anyway. We had one conversation at the hospital and then nothing, baby. Miscarriage is a tragedy that affects you, and it affects me as your partner. It can be hard to come to terms with what has happened. But you haven't seemed to have had any emotions at all. You just picked yourself up, dusted it all off and went back to work. How could you even grieve the loss of our child? You never gave yourself time to mourn."

"Casey…" aggravation dripping from her voice.

Matt physically recoiled back at the sound of her voice, knowing what a spitfire Gabby could be, shocked at the use of his last name. Gabby had a well-established routine - Lieutenant or Casey at work and Matt at home. It was what had first clued him into the fact that something was wrong when she tried to tell him the first time that they were expecting; she had called him Matt in his office. Only when she was annoyed or mad at him would she call him Casey and he could feel the anger rolling off of her.

"Gabby it's perfectly normal to feel all of these emotions. I just don't want to you bottle them up anymore. We need to deal with it."

"We need to deal with it?" she snapped incredulously. "We dealt with it eight months ago, in the same way that we always have. You dealt with it the way you deal with everything that is hard in your life, by not dealing with it."

"Gabby that's not fair," he countered, his anger beginning to get the better of him.

"What? It's true! What is there to say? It doesn't matter how long I do or don't grieve my child, nothing I do is going to bring it back. And when I wanted to talk to you, you weren't there."

 _A few months after the miscarriage Gabby had found herself having a bad day, she wasn't sure what had triggered it but at the end of shift she had found herself wandering into Matt's office looking for comfort. Knocking on the window softly before opening the door, she found herself drinking in the scene in front of her. Matt was no longer in his uniform, but rather a pair of dress pants and a blue button down shifting through some papers on his desk._

" _Hey," she muttered gaining his attention._

" _Gabby," he replied somewhat distractedly. "You have your car here? I forgot there's this meeting I need to go for with the council for some youth support thing. I know we said we would go and get some breakfast, but this completely slipped my mind. That's okay right? We can get breakfast tomorrow or after next shift."_

 _Gabby felt her stomach drop wanting to scream at him that it wasn't ok. That she didn't want him to go, that she just wanted him to gather her up in his strong arms and tell her everything was going to be ok, that she wasn't a failure. But knowing she couldn't do that she simply nodded her head and told him she would see him at home later._

 _The firehouse was silent, she was one of the last of their shift to leave and the oncoming watch had already been called out to a structure fire. Knowing that she would be caught out in the locker room and still not wanting to head to either hers or Matt's place she decided to hide out in the firehouse, she decided the best course of action was to sit in the turnout room nobody would be there at all._

 _Soon she found herself sobbing in the corner of the room using Matt's coat to hide herself in, taking solace in his lingering scent. She just wanted him, she thought as she ran her fingers over the 'Lieutenant Casey' name plate._

" _Dawson?" a gravelly voice called out._

 _Gabby froze at the familiar sounding voice. She had been sure that everyone had gone. Looking up from her spot on the ground she found herself face to face with Christopher Herrmann, the man she saw as a second father._

" _What's wrong kid?" Herrmann asked as he settled down next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder. Gabby looked over at him her face glistening with freshly shed tears._

" _I just can't figure it all out," she lamented. "The baby… Casey… Everything…"_

" _Geeze Gabby. You aren't meant to sort through everything just like that. You had a miscarriage; it's nothing to be ashamed of."_

 _That word 'miscarriage' - Gabby felt like a fraud for using the word and felt every muscle in her body tense as she heard Herrmann use it._

" _I didn't have a miscarriage, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, that isn't a traditional miscarriage," Gabby told him, sounding like she was reciting information from a medical textbook._

" _It's still a loss Dawson. No matter what you might think, you're allowed to be upset."_

" _But I feel this upset every day, like I'm the one to blame and that's why Matt won't talk to me. He won't even look at me some days Herrmann. I just want him back," she blubbered._

 _Gabby took a deep breath trying to find an inner strength, sniffing slightly as she did. "It just frustrates me Herrmann. I know just as well as anyone that I can't expect him to be going through the same process as I am, but I just need him. And yes I know that this is what he does, he deals by not dealing. I just want someone to come home to. But I'm scared that he blames me and doesn't want me anymore."_

 _Herrmann sighed, trying to put his words together, knowing well that both Casey and Dawson were the type to shut down._

" _Men generally want to mend things and Casey is no different, he wants to fix things. But a broken heart because of losing a child is a difficult thing to mend. It takes time and patience and hopefully it will pull you both together as a couple," he gently told her as he pulled her closer. "If this had been anyone else, any of your friends would you let them blame themselves if they had lost a baby in the same way you and Casey did? No, of course you wouldn't. Don't blame yourself Gabby. I'll keep telling you until to remember you hang tight to each other."_

 _Gabby smiled slightly despite the tears that continued to flow._

" _Come on kid, let's get you home," Herrmann told her offering her a hand to get up._

"Gabby, I meant what I said at the hospital. I want you. I don't care that we lost a baby, the only thing that is important is that you are okay and we're back together," Matt told her pulling her out of her daydream.

Gabby raised her eyebrows at him. "You don't care?" she spat at him.

"Okay that was a poor choice of words. But I'm not going to go anywhere, it's more important that we're together."

"No, it wasn't a poor choice of words though was it Casey? That's what you really think, isn't it? That you're happy that we aren't having a child. Are you just staying with me because you feel sorry for me, or because it seems like the right thing to do, can't dump the poor girl who had a miscarriage? Well let me tell you something Matthew Casey, I don't need your pity."

"Hey," Matt snapped. "I never said that. Stop trying to put words into my mouth for me. I love you Gabby…"

"Well you're never around these days to show it," she huffed. "You never showed any emotions over this situation."

"Hey, I have gone back and forth from total anger to total devastation. It's always at the back of my mind, but this is just how I've had to cope with it. Was it right? No, but I know that we need to talk. Gabby, please, I just want to help you," Matt pleaded.

"Casey, no matter what you say or what you do there is nothing that can make this right," her voice dangerously low. "What do you want me to say? That for the last eight months I've lived a rollercoaster of emotions? I've been numb, angry, sad, tired, and not hungry, haven't been able to sleep, and haven't been able to concentrate during any quiet moment… Is that what you want? Or do you want to know that I feel guilty, like there should have been something more that I could have done?"

"Gabby." Matt reached out in an attempt to comfort her. However she just pulled out of his reach.

"Don't… don't touch me," she told him getting up from the couch. "Look Casey, I just need to get out of here. I think I'll spend the night in my own bed, I've been missing it," she told him as she gathered her bits.

Matt paused, all of his muscles tensing as he tried to stay calm and not lose his cool. Hearing the door shut after her, Matt lifted himself to his feet deciding that this time he wasn't going to let her slip through his fingers like he had so many times before.

* * *

Gabby paused outside the door, leaning against it allowing it to hold her up. Taking a few deep breathes she attempted to steady herself before making her way to the car intent on driving back to her apartment that she shared with Brett and sleeping away all the hurt she was currently feeling. All those times that she wanted Matt around and here he was finally ready to talk and she was pushing him away. She didn't know what to say and all she could feel was fear coursing through her veins, scared that Matt would finally come out with the fact that all of this really was her fault. That he held her responsible and she knew that she couldn't bear the thought of it. So she shut him down and ran away.

Matt found her outside the door, breathing heavily. He watched her for a moment, realising that he needed to step up and let her know that he was there for her and supported her completely.

"Gabby, baby, please come back inside. I am truly sorry for my choice of words. You know I would do anything to be able to have a family with you. I just want to be there for you," he sincerely told her.

"Be there for me?" Gabby scoffed. "Be there for me…. That's rich Casey. Where have you been for the past few months, all the times I needed you? Where were you then?" Gabby's voice got louder.

Matt gave her a stunned look, not sure how to respond. Gabby gave him a look, waiting for a comeback. When it became obvious she was not getting one, she huffed slightly and headed towards her car.

 _Gabby fiddled with her earrings, trying to get her last one into her earlobe whilst trying to balance her planner under her arm. Trying to balance firehouse shifts, shifts and orders at Molly's had always made for a busy life for Gabby and since Matt had taken on the alderman job life had only become more hectic. After one too many close calls in double bookings she had decided that they needed a better calendar in their lives and as much as Matt had resisted having a type of organiser he really did need to utilize some form of calendar. So before she headed out to Antonio's for their monthly, or the 'as often as they could' dinner, she needed to look at what was coming up this month._

 _Sitting down on one of the bar stools, she got herself comfortable and flipped through the pages from May to June. Looking down at the monthly spread she froze. Everything that she had pushed down from many months ago came back to hit her full force and the tears began to fall on the innocent sticker announcing her due date without her realising. Whilst pregnancy had come as a shock, once everything had settled into place Gabby had become excited about the prospect of becoming a mother. Her OB/GYN had given her an estimated due date of the second week in June, most likely the 14th and told her that she would confirm it at her next appointment. The appointment that she and Matt had never made it too, the one that her baby had never made it too._

 _Gabby let the silent tears run down her face and hit the page, making the ink run all over the paper. She had sobbed over this month and everything that it would have meant when she had first come home, but hadn't had the heart or will to remove the sticker rather wanting to feel the pain that reminded her that it was her fault and it was her body that had failed. And as the months tore by she had almost forgotten about what it was she had written in for June. Whilst the pain and anger had never left her she was able to try and keep it all at bay._

 _Flipping further through her planner she found the notes she had made about pregnancy and how the baby would be growing week-by-week. At the time, just after she had lost the baby she had found this a therapeutic way of dealing with her pain. And now, at this time when she most wanted Matt he wasn't here. Gabby knew that she hadn't confided in Matt when everything had happened, he had even called her out on in very early on, that it seemed like she was just throwing herself back into work. But she just couldn't face him; what if he blamed her for what had happened, taking away his chance to become a father. She just couldn't handle what her life would become if Matt blamed her; rightly so in her eyes and she was sure her life would crumble further._

 _Finding the page she was looking for, she found that right now at 39 weeks pregnant the baby would be the size of a pumpkin or a watermelon, just depending on which site she had looked at. Smiling slightly she found that_ _baby would probably able to flex limbs now, its brain is still rapidly developing-and getting smarter by the week and that the baby's nails may extend past the fingertips._

 _Gabby gave a slight chuckle despite the tears still coming as she read the part about nesting. Looking around at the kitchen which was fairly clean, if she was nesting it would be spotless._ _In some ways knowing what she would have been going through was a source of comfort to her, yet right now knowing that she would most likely have been at a desperately uncomfortable point of her pregnancy she felt like a knife had stabbed her in the gut as her hand unconsciously brushed over her stomach. Gabby cried out in pain feeling the ache in her heart deepen. The only thing, the only person she wanted was Matt. It seemed like anytime that she needed Matt he was out at a political event of some sort. Right now all she wanted was his strong arms around her pulling her close. And this made her sob all the more. She allowed herself a few moments of crying before attempting to pull herself together and wiping her eyes._

 _Gabby stood for a moment, pushing the planner further away and wiped furiously at the tears that hit the countertop, tears that wouldn't stop coming. Taking a deep shaky breath in Gabby steeled her nerves, walking into her bathroom with the intent of cleaning up and heading out of the apartment to dinner. With all of those emotions swirling around her head, Gabby closed the door behind her completely forgetting about her open planner on the countertop_

"Gabby...Baby, please come back inside," Matt desperately called after her as she headed towards her car.

"Casey, it shouldn't be this hard!" Gabby replied as she whipped her head around when Matt reached out to her upper arm, closing his hand around it. "Maybe we just shouldn't."

Matt held her tight as she struggled against him. "Gabby, please," he pleaded quietly. "Please don't run away from me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Something, anything… I just want you to feel something."

"You don't understand how hard this is for me," came Gabby's harsh reply. In her mind, if Gabby lashed out at Matt he wouldn't be able to come back at her. "You will never understand what I've been through," she hissed as she jerked back out of his grip taking advantage of his shock.

Matt drew a sharp breath in as he felt her words slap him in the face. He had once said to Boden it helped to have someone to lean on, however this time that person who he would always lean on was the person who needed him the most and right now he felt the anger bubbling in him.

"I'm trying to be supportive, but it feels hard to talk to anyone else besides you about what happened. It's hard to let my guard down. And I don't even know how to talk to you about it," his voice raised.

"How can you ask me about my feelings and accuse me of not dealing when you haven't dealt with it either Casey. Did you know that I've never seen you cry over your lost child? Never, not once."

She paused to take a breath, hoisting her bag further over her shoulder before continuing.

"And where have you been? Over the past few months you've never been home. Every time I needed you, you weren't around. The days that I've needed you the most and I've been by myself. You're always out Casey. Obviously your political career and fire fighting job are more important to you than me," she lashed out.

"And who was it that pushed me to run for alderman, huh?"

"I pushed you because I knew that you were the right man for the job, a good man who could make a difference… But that doesn't let you off your responsibilities at home. But then again maybe this was just the perfect out for you. I said to you that night that we only got back together because of the baby."

Matt ran a hand through his hair as he spoke. "We got back together because we love each other," he enforced. "How many times do I need to tell you!" he exclaimed.

"Well you aren't damn well showing it."

Before he could stop himself, he found himself engaging mouth before brain.

"You think that I'll never know how you feel? Do you not think that I lost a baby that night too?"

"Of course I know that. I'm aware of that fact every single minute of every single day," she fired back.

"Do you think that I don't feel a loss every day too," Matt kept going as if he didn't even hear what she was saying. "That I didn't mourn the loss of our child, a child that I have always wanted? That if we had known sooner I might have been able to stop what happened. That maybe if I stopped you running into that building, things might be different? Or if you hadn't been stressed over my undercover work and come into my apartment that night then it may have turned out better? That I don't want to cry every time I see a father with his newborn child and think about what could have been? That it hurts so much that I just don't know how to function some days," he shouted.

Gabby physically stepped back from Matt and fumbled with the car door handle, tears streaming down her cheeks. All of her worst nightmares were coming true, Matt was blaming her for losing the child that he had dreamt about.

A strong hand clasped around hers, roughly pulling her back to reality.

"Wait…" Matt's anger was taking over. "I hurt every day too. But no one ever asked how I felt. It was constantly about you, the house rallied around you. And I don't blame them for that. You needed support Gabby. But I want you to stop for just a moment and think how I might have felt… Herrmann rang that night to ask how you were and then send the most heartfelt message to you. Those were the words and thoughts that you needed right at that moment. But for me? Nothing! And understand me Gabby, I don't need this to be about me, but at the same time I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to you, I want to make you feel better and help you through this, but I just don't know how to. I'm in this position where I want to support you, and I will do everything to support you, yet I don't know how to deal with it. I felt like I wasn't allowed to grieve. I was left out and I still feel invisible. I just needed someone to check in with me. I can't make sense of what happened," he finished the anger dissipating with his last words.

Gabby stopped short, she had never thought that Matt might have felt isolated. "I didn't know," she told him as she wrapped her arms around her middle in an attempt to protect herself.

"Gabriela… Know that I don't in any way blame you. Neither of us is at fault. It was something that happened. We couldn't have done anything to stop it happening. It doesn't stop the pain, but remember I'm not angry at you. I felt sort of invisible. I feel bad for feeling selfish, but it is all difficult," Matt gently told her as he dropped a kiss on her forehead as she began to cry and he just held her closer.

Gabby's sobs subsided and her breathing evened out. "Come back inside baby," he told her as he began to lead her back towards the apartment, taking the bag from her as they went.

"It's all going to be alright," he muttered into her ear.

* * *

"Gabby?" Matt called out as he walked into the apartment the next night. He knew that he had to speak to her tonight, before they went back on shift in the morning. Glancing into the living room, he was surprised that she hadn't replied yet, he was certain that Gabby wasn't doing a shift at Molly's tonight; he would have seen that on the calendar. Walking into the kitchen he found her packing up leftovers, obviously lost in her own world. Gabby gasped and jumped slightly as Matt wrapped an arm around her waist and placed a kiss on her neck.

"Matt… don't do that!"

"What?" he innocently said turning her around in his arms to place a kiss on her lips. Gabby leaned into the kiss for a moment or so before pulling back with a small smile on her face.

"Babe I think we need to talk about last night," he gently prodded. But it evidently wasn't gentle enough as she pulled away from him and started towards Matt's bedroom intent on getting her bag.

"Gabby," he pleaded as he wrapped his hand around her upper arm, "Please don't run away from me, from us. Not this time." He closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly trying to find some inner strength. "Please baby," he beseeched his voice cracking slightly.

Gabby hesitated for a moment, was it time to finally have it out with Matt? Would the pain become even worse? Or could she trust that Matt really did love her. Finally she let her body slacken into Matt's hand and allowed him to lead her over to the couch.

Sitting down, Matt closed his eyes as Gabby looked on waiting for him to say something.

"Gabs. I didn't know," he began. "And I'm sorry."

Gabby only stared at him nothing giving away her mental state at the moment.

"I'm sorry for last night, for pushing you and what I said. But Gabby I'm not sorry for what I'm feeling. Do I regret taking a whole pregnancy to deal with what I am feeling? Yes, but I know now that this is something I need to deal with." He stopped for a minute to see whether Gabby would react. "I just feel isolated," he honestly told her.

"Matt," she started her voice devoid of any emotion. "Think about what happened after Hallie died. None of us at the house knew what was going on. None of us knew to what extent you were suffering. You came to work every shift the tough lieutenant, showing us that you were travelling fine. We never thought that things were as bad as they were. And I'm not saying that it was the right thing to do, but it was the same thing this time. You covered up well and everyone was waiting for you to come out of this tunnel. You dealt with it by not dealing with it."

"And I was wrong. It's been on my mind for a while, especially last night. It's who I am Gabby, this is how I deal with things or rather I don't deal right away. But Gabs, for me to accept everything that happened to us over the last eight months we need some sort of closure. Do you know that we never really spoke about what happened? We spoke about where this left us that we got back together because we love each other and then we never spoke about it. Gabby, when Will came out to tell us what had happened after surgery it felt like I couldn't breathe, no matter what I did I just could not catch my breath. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. I couldn't understand why it happened, there are days that I still don't Gabby, It's like something precious has been ripped away from my life. Every day there is an ache in my heart reminding me there is something missing," he told her as tears began.

Gabby lurched forward allowing Matt to cry into her shoulder for a change. In the last eight months she hadn't witnessed Matt showing this amount of emotion and it stirred something in her. Maybe they did need to face this head on so they could move on.

A short while later Matt drew back and gave her a gentle kiss. Taking a beat he leant his forehead against hers before continuing. "Gabby, I know that I said some horrible things last night. You weren't reacting to the miscarriage the way I expected you to. I wanted you to react and be okay with it, but I get that there isn't one way to deal with grief. But by shutting you out nothing has changed, this wasn't going to help you or me. We needed to talk and mourn the loss of our child."

'Loss of our child' - those words shocked Gabby to her core and took her back to a time just after she returned home.

 _It was a few weeks after she had been discharged from the hospital that Gabby had finally allowed herself out of the house intent on enjoying some time by herself. She had been cleared for return to duty within the next few days and she was itching to get back into it and put this whole horrible mess behind her. Matt had offered to take some more furlough to be at home with her but she hadn't wanted it. She couldn't bear to be cooped up indoors at the best of times and having Matt hanging around the house wasn't going to help one little bit._

 _Matt of course had protested, but Gabby stood firm in wanting them both to get back into a regular routine. It was hard enough dealing with Matt and everyone else with their sympathetic looks; she just wanted to be treated like she always had been. Brett had been just as bad, so Gabby was floating between her apartment and Matt's trying to avoid them the best she could. Matt had also insisted that she stay at his and Severide's place so there was someone with her. But all of this attention was smothering her._

 _Matt had been great and so supportive, but at the same time Gabby felt like he wanted to make everything better or he was trying to fix what had happened. He would come back from the firehouse all up and trying to distract her from whatever she was feeling at the time reminding her, encouraging her not to dwell. The day she got home she just wanted Matt to sit with her and just be. She hadn't even seen him cry yet. Maybe this, them as a couple, just wasn't meant to be._

 _Either way Gabby had decided that she wanted to get out of the house. Finding some warm clothes she made up her mind to head out for a walk. She didn't think she could handle any more sympathy._

 _Soon she came to the waterside and let herself stop and sit to watch the world go by. Hugging her arms tightly around herself, she made herself comfortable after a few moments. Turning her head to her left she found herself staring at a young mother with her baby. The lady had stopped by the benches next to Gabby and was beginning to take her young child out of the pram. Gabby would hazard a guess that the little boy would have only be three or four months old._

 _And as much as Gabby couldn't bear to watch the situation in front of her for all the pain it was causing, she just wasn't able to tear her eyes away either. She watched on as the baby was taken out of the pram and his mother began to bounce him in her arms all the while cooing at him. A sob rising in her throat as she watched the child being covered with kisses. There was an intense anger and jealousy towards this unknown woman. Gabby bit her lower lip as she looked down at her hands resting in her lap. What was it that this woman had that she didn't? Why wasn't she allowed to have this happiness? Gabby didn't expect that everything was always going to work out for her, but why was it that she wasn't allowed to have her own little family? She thought back to the time at the park when Matt had been looking after the Darden boys and remembered the light that lit up in Matt's eyes when he spoke about being a father. It was the same light that appeared a few weeks ago when she shared her news. And now the light was gone from both of their lives. And why?_

 _She was haunted in her dreams by babies constantly. Most nights she was waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat remembering every little detail of her dreams, her own personal nightmare. The first few nights she had managed to wake Matt in the process, but now he would sleep through her movements in the bed. The dreams however had continued to torture her as she saw her child at night, a little boy blonde hair just like his father but with her darker skin tone. And the dreams that ripped her apart the most? The one where Matt would be sitting in their nursery in a rocking chair that he had made. Little boy all snuggled up in his arms with a small smile on his lips, clearly milk drunk wearing a fire department onesie that showed off the Truck 81 Goat on the backside. Even thinking about it now made Gabby ache even more, she just wanted to hold her baby safely in her own arms, press kisses to their head and take in that newborn scent. But that wasn't going to happen and she couldn't handle it anymore._

 _Gabby felt rage towards this lady. Here she was flaunting her happy life with the perfect little baby right in front of Gabby who desperately wanted that life. There was a feeling of all of her hopes and dreams being hacked away from her, much like her baby had been in the operating theatre. In the cold Chicago wind she wanted Matt to be here, allowing her to snuggle into his warm embrace. Closing her eyes, she reached up to wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall only to find that she had bitten her lip so hard that it had drawn blood. Why couldn't that be her with a baby?_

Feeling a single tear run down her face, Gabby felt as if her heart was breaking into a million pieces again. She felt Matt's rough thumb on her cheek catching that tear. Every time she thought that she had finally made peace with her loss, there was a moment or an event that brought all her emotions back to the surface. Unable to look up at Matt, she covered her face and her shoulders began to shake with silent sobs.

Matt paused for a moment or two to think about what it was she could say. The words that came to mind were all from Antonio, bless 'Tonio and his overprotectiveness of his sister.

 _Having decided that Gabby needed some time this morning to sort out her mind and he too needed to seriously think about what he wanted to say to her, he left the apartment. He knew that if he just flew by the seat of his pants, he was likely to say something he might regret later. So he left a note for Gabby who was still sleeping soundly, telling her that he was heading into the fire house to finish some paperwork that had been hanging over his head for a while, knowing that he needed to get it completed before next shift._

 _By passing first watch who were on shift, Matt closed himself in his office and settled into writing. He didn't know how much time had past, but he was jolted back into reality at the sound of his door slamming shut. He found himself face to face with an agitated Antonio Dawson._

" _Antonio?" he questioned, the surprise evident in his voice._

" _Do you love my sister?" he hissed in a low voice, wasting no time getting to the point._

" _You know I do, how is that even a question?"_

" _Then why the hell is she dealing with this on her own?"_

" _Dealing with what?" Matt asked as he rose from his chair._

" _The loss of her baby…. YOUR baby," he accused, jabbing Matt in the chest._

" _Hey, hey, hey," Matt held his hands up in defence as he rounded Antonio to draw the blinds in his office, making sure the door was firmly shut. "She's pushed me away. I tried to be there for her, tried to support her. But she wasn't ready for any of it."_

" _So in eight months you haven't found the time to do something? Not talk to her, but do something for her… It's been eight months since you lost the baby."_

" _And you don't think I know that Antonio? That I haven't felt pain for every day the last eight months? I have tried to be there for her."_

 _Antonio scoffed slightly before continuing. "So why was she crying at my house? Where were you?"_

" _Where was I?" Matt asked, his voice rising slightly. "I was at home, finding out that next week was Gabby's due date. It was something that hit me square in my gut," Matt's voice cracking slightly. "I was at home wondering why my girl hadn't bothered telling me what was going on. I was at home last night trying to talk to her when she came home, but she wanted nothing to do with me. And it makes me think that she blames me for it all, that somehow it's all my fault," Matt finished as he took a seat on his bunk._

 _Antonio stopped and ran a hand through his hair. He had been fixated on how much his little sister had been hurting. He and Laura, whilst the divorce had been hard, had never suffered the loss that Casey and Gabby had. Ever since Gabby had been a little girl, Antonio had sworn that he would protect her from the world. But this, this was something that he couldn't fix, it was something that Casey couldn't fix. And here in front of him was the man that at one time was going to be his brother-in-law, the man that he still saw as his brother, one who was breaking down, tears pooling in his eyes. It was at that point that Antonio realised that it wasn't only Gabby that had suffered a loss, but Casey too. How many times did the partner become invisible in a situation like this? He was so worried about Gabby and how she was coping at that time and then last night how she obviously hadn't dealt with everything, that he hadn't even considered how much Casey would be hurting at this time too._

" _Oh man," he sighed._

" _Sometimes I wonder if there was something more I could have done," Matt commented, shaking his head slightly. "Would it have been all alright if we had just kept it to ourselves for just a bit longer? Life isn't meant to be perfect, but just once if it went smoothly that would be nice too."_

 _Taking a deep breath, Antonio took a seat next to Casey and clasped a hand on his shoulder. "You know, I don't know what you're going through and I don't claim to understand. But here's what I do know. You celebrated the start of a new soul and invited the world to celebrate with you. Never apologise for inviting people to see something of wonder, awe and profound beauty. I know how much you love my sister Casey, I couldn't have asked for somebody better to protect her."_

 _With a final squeeze on his shoulder, Antonio stood and left Matt with his thoughts. "You know you're part of the family, right?" he mentioned as he disappeared out of the office. "I'm here anytime man."_

Matt paused slightly drawing strength from the words that Antonio had imparted on him. He knew that he had to be there for Gabby. He had to be the first to take the initiative, letting her know that no matter what happened in the future or what had happened in the past, that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Gabriela… Talk to me…" he gently whispered.

"Matt," she replied equally as quietly. "Every time I close my eyes I see our baby in your arms. I fear sleeping for the images that are going to play out in front of my eyes," she finished as she curled herself up into a tighter ball.

"Babe," Matt started gently, not sure if what he was about to say was going to set Gabby running away. "I know that it's hard to move on...hey hey," he grabbed her hand firmer, not wanting her to escape again. "I'm not saying that we forgot our first baby, there is always going to be a special place in my heart for what we lost. But Gabby… baby… We need to find our way through this."

Gabby bit her bottom lip, trying desperately hard to keep her sobs in check.

"Gabby… Let it all out. I want you to let it go. Please baby, let me help you," Matt gently told her, as he watched on with concerned eyes at his girlfriend who had sucked in a few breaths trying to compose herself. "Hey, hey, hey. It's okay, whatever it is, whatever you're feeling it's okay," he told her as grabbed her shoulders holding them tight.

"I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this upset of this. It was so long ago and why aren't I over this? And that I'm silly for being so miserable about losing the baby so early in the pregnancy, we barely knew about the baby before it was gone. I'm being absurd to feel what I'm feeling."

Matt was appalled by what he was hearing. "Gabby, no. You are allowed to feel whatever it is you are feeling," he reprimanded gently.

"I just think that it's all my fault and it didn't want to hear you blaming me too."

"Gabby I would never…"

"I still feel that it's my fault. I blame myself for so many things that I could have done differently… what about all of those drinks that I had between that stress relieving night and when I found out. You know that I drink most nights; especially when I'm working at Molly's - I do love a cocktail at the end of a shift. What if it had turned out that if I hadn't drank so much we could be holding our son right now? Or do you remember the shift that I tried to tell you?" she quired. Matt nodded his head, opening his mouth to say something yet Gabby just steamed ahead needing to get everything out. "I should have said something before. I still should have spoken to you after Antonio left and never gone storming into that house. Matt, you would never have let me onto the truck if you had known and I selfishly took that decision away from you, both as a father and as my lieutenant," she finished.

Sighing softly, Matt watched as Gabby pulled away from him slightly and once again couldn't believe that he had let this get so far away from him. How was it that Gabby had suffered so much and so silently and he had never noticed. After the breakup of their engagement Matt had sworn to himself that he would never allow this happen again and yet he was still letting Gabby suffer by herself, what type of boyfriend was he? He couldn't believe it, he actually thought that they were ok and were moving on from their loss, evidently he had been wrong.

Forcing her to look up at him, Matt tried a different tact. "Dr. Halstead said there was nothing you or anyone else could have done to stop this. It just wasn't meant to be this time. You can't blame yourself for this. No one is to blame. Even if you had told me in my office it wouldn't have changed anything. Truthfully Gabby, it might have made us more difficult, I wasn't in the right place to be hearing any of that news."

Sniffling slightly Gabby felt her heart skip a beat. She never knew what she had done to deserve Matt Casey in her life. There was still an overwhelming sorrow that she had every day, something that she had learnt to live with. Yet here was Matt, coming out of his tunnel of sorrow, ready to help with her rollercoaster of emotions. She shifted on the couch moving slightly closer to a warm body, leaning her head onto this waiting shoulder. Matt allowed her the time to process her thoughts, never pushing her to keep talking.

"I lie awake at night," she spoke up gingerly. Matt's fingers began to run up and down her back, both as a source of comfort and encouragement to continue. "I lie awake at night, hands over my stomach, wondering what I did wrong or if there was something I could have do something different. And then I spend the next few hours trying to convince myself that it isn't my fault," she said before sinking her head further into Matt's shoulder and breaking into fresh sobs.

"Baby, I want us to allow ourselves permission to feel anything and everything in between about our loss. We need to let ourselves feel the grief and lean on each other… Hey look at me," he told her as he hooked his finger underneath her chin causing her look at him. "Gabby I love you. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere, no matter what. I'm right here," he told her staring straight into her eyes conveying all of his love for her before pulling her tight into his side.

"And I'm unreasonably jealous when I see a young family. Only the other day I overhead the young mother at Over Easy, you know the one with a two month old, there all the time. She was complaining about not being able to fit into her pre-pregnancy skinny jeans, and her dream now is to get into her fat jeans. I wanted to scream at her and shake some sense into her, does she not know how precious her baby's life is and that I would give anything to be in that position."

"It's going to okay Gabby," he whispered into her hair. "Remember the night you told me you were pregnant? Hold on to this Gabby, I told you being with you was what makes sense. It's still true baby."

"How am I ever going to get over the guilt of my body failing me?" she quietly whimpered. "And what happens when you wake up one morning and realise that it's my fault that we don't have children?"

"Hey! It's not going to happen."

"I know you Matt, you desperately want children," he told her soberly as she looked up at him through wet eyelashes.

"That doesn't matter now Gabby, I want you. Only you."

"But what if…"

"No babe. No 'what ifs'," he firmed stated.

"But you heard Will Halstead, it's a double whammy. It was an ectopic pregnancy and there's now a higher risk of losing another one the same way," she reasoned with him. "I may never be able to do this, and you want children."

"Gabby," he told her, sitting up and looking into her eyes, hands placed on her cheeks. "I've said it before and I'll keep telling you that I love you, we got back together because we love each other," he reminded her as he placed a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Why don't you hate me? I hate myself."

"Baby I could never hate you. This was something that happened to us, it wasn't something that you did Gabby."

"I couldn't look at you for weeks afterwards," Gabby admitted. "I was so scared that you would blame me for everything and I couldn't take it. I felt so responsible for everything. So I pushed you away, it's the only way that I could try and cope. It's why I wanted you to run for alderman, I knew you could make a difference. And while I couldn't give you a child, maybe this would help make up for it all. I could do something to support you. I still feel like there are days even now that I can't cope from day-to-day. I just want to be able to live again."

"It's going to be okay Gabby. You're going to be an amazing mother Gabriela Dawson, I know it. And I'm so unbelievably lucky for you to be my girl."

Swinging her around on the couch, he stretched his legs out along the couch and pulled her down into his chest, before peppering the top of her head with kisses.

"There is no reason that we won't have children if that's what you want Gabby. What happened to us was a horrible loss and we'll never forget our first baby. Baby I think we need to look forward to our future together. Together we can face anything."

Gabby snuggled further into his chest feeling a peace that she hadn't felt for a long time. Losing a baby was hard and they were going to take it one day at a time, together. Letting her thoughts run for a while, she twisted on the couch a short while later so she had her chin on Matt's chest looking up at him.

"Matt, I've had an idea…" she started hesitantly.

"Hmmm?" he questioned, running his hands through her loose wavy hair.

"I was thinking that we could get away from the city on the 14th? Go away, just the two of us and do something special for us. Celebrate, commemorate in our own way."

"That sounds perfect."

"I love you so much Matthew Casey… more than you know. I can't thank you enough for being there for me. And never forget that I love you too," she told him with a smile wide on her face before melting into a searing kiss.

Not everything was perfect for Matt and Gabby, it never would be. Life was never going to be perfect for anyone; life is full of its own ups and downs. And together they knew they could face their hurdles and learn how to deal with their loss.

* * *

 _ **Hope you enjoyed ~Em**_


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